How to give performance feedback that actually changes behaviour
A clinical psychologist's guide to performance feedback that lands: the SBI model, before-and-after scripts, the mistakes to avoid and how to practise first.
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The short answer
To give performance feedback that lands, pick one specific behaviour, prepare it with the SBI model (situation, behaviour, impact), say it plainly in the first minute, ask for their view, and close with a next step and a date. Most managers know this. What they rarely do is rehearse it out loud before the real conversation, so the employee becomes the practice run.
The 2pm conversation
It's 1:50. A manager has a performance conversation at 2pm with someone on their team who has missed the last three handover deadlines. They've been to the leadership workshop. They have a page of notes. They've decided to open with something positive, mention the deadlines "lightly", and see how it goes.
I've spent much of my working life as a clinical psychologist, and much of what people bring into a session is a conversation like this one: one they avoided, one they botched or one somebody had with them that went badly. What strikes me is how rarely the problem is knowledge. Most managers can tell you what good feedback looks like. They've just never said it out loud, to someone who pushes back, before it counted.
So the first real attempt is the live employee. That is the gap this guide is about.
Why performance feedback goes wrong
Feedback usually fails for human reasons, not technical ones. We're vague because we're uncomfortable, we soften because we want to be liked, and we wait because the moment never feels right.
The patterns are familiar:
- Vagueness. "Your communication needs work" gives the person nothing to change.
- Sandwiching. The message gets buried between two compliments, and it's the compliments they remember.
- Delay. Feedback given weeks later is about a version of events nobody quite remembers.
- Labelling. "You're careless" is a judgement about the person. It invites a defence, not a change.
- No ending. The conversation drifts to a close without an agreed action, so nothing happens next.
The sandwich problem. Praise, criticism, praise feels kind. In practice it often blurs the message, and over time people learn that your praise is just a warm-up. Keep positive and corrective feedback separate, and make both specific.
None of these are character flaws. They're what most of us do when a conversation carries risk and we haven't practised it. We avoid. We hedge. We hope it lands.
How to give performance feedback: 6 steps
Choose one behaviour, prepare it with SBI, say it early and plainly, ask for their view, agree a dated next step, and rehearse before the meeting.
- Pick one behaviour. Not a list and not a personality trait. One thing you saw, which you'd like to see change (or continue).
- Prepare it with SBI. Write down the Situation (when and where), the Behaviour (what they did or said, observable) and the Impact (what it did to the work, the team or the customer). If you can't fill in the impact, think twice before raising it.
- Say it in the first minute. Don't warm up for ten minutes. Name why you're meeting and get to the behaviour early. Directness, delivered with care, is a kindness.
- Ask for their view. "How did that look from your side?" Then listen. This is where you learn the context you didn't have, and where the person starts to own the next step.
- Agree a next step with a date. One action, who owns it and when you'll check in. "Let's see how it goes" is not a next step.
- Rehearse it first. Say it out loud before the meeting, ideally to a counterpart who doesn't simply agree with you. This is the step almost everyone skips.
- 1Prepare with SBI
- 2Rehearse out loud
- 3Score against a standard
- 4Retry until ready
Before and after: a performance feedback example
The difference between weak and strong feedback is mostly specificity, a named impact and a clear ending.
"Hey, thanks for jumping on. Overall you're doing really well, the team loves working with you. Just one small thing: maybe keep an eye on the handovers? It's not a big deal. Anyway, great work on the client pitch last week."
"I want to talk about the handover notes. On the last three Friday handovers, including yesterday's, the notes came through after 6pm. On Monday that meant the weekend team started without the client's change request, and we had to redo part of the build. I'd like to understand what's getting in the way. How has Friday been looking from your side?"
(…conversation…)
"So the plan is that notes go in by 4pm Friday, and if something's going to slip you'll message me by 2pm. Let's check in on the 24th and see how the next two have gone."
| Before | After | |
|---|---|---|
| Specific behaviour | "Keep an eye on the handovers" | Notes after 6pm on the last three Friday handovers |
| Impact named | None | Weekend team missed the change request; rework |
| Message placement | Buried between compliments | First sentence |
| Their view invited | No | "How has Friday been looking from your side?" |
| Next step and date | None | Notes by 4pm Friday; check-in on the 24th |
| Tone | Apologetic, minimising | Direct and calm |
Before your next feedback conversation, write your opening sentence and your closing sentence on a sticky note. If the opener doesn't name the behaviour and the closer doesn't include a date, rewrite them.
Feedback models compared: SBI, SBI-I, Radical Candor and the sandwich
SBI is the most practical structure for a single piece of performance feedback. Radical Candor is a useful check on tone. The sandwich is best avoided.
| Model | What it is | Best for | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|---|
| SBI (Situation, Behaviour, Impact) | Name when and where, what they did and the effect | Most everyday performance feedback | Skipping the impact, which turns it into a complaint |
| SBI-I (adds Intent) | SBI, then ask what they were trying to do | When you suspect a reasonable motive behind the behaviour | Asking for intent, then not listening to the answer |
| Radical Candor | Care personally and challenge directly | Checking your balance: too soft or too blunt? | Using "candour" as licence to be harsh |
| DESC (Describe, Express, Specify, Consequences) | Describe the behaviour, express its effect, specify the change, state consequences | Repeated issues where expectations need to be explicit | Leading with consequences too early |
| Feedback sandwich | Praise, criticism, praise | Rarely helpful | Buried message; praise starts to feel hollow |
Key terms
- Performance feedback
- A conversation in which a manager tells an employee how a specific piece of their work or behaviour is landing, and what should continue or change.
- SBI model
- A feedback structure (Situation, Behaviour, Impact) for describing observable behaviour and its effect without judging the person.
- Radical Candor
- An approach to feedback built on caring personally while challenging directly.
- Rehearse to a standard
- Practising a specific conversation and being scored against clear criteria for that conversation, retrying until you meet the bar.
Why workshops and frameworks aren't enough
Knowing a framework isn't the same as being able to use it under pressure. Most training stops at knowing.
A workshop gives you a model on a slide and maybe a polite roleplay with a colleague who doesn't want to make it awkward. You leave with a certificate of attendance. Then the first time you use what you learnt is with a real person, who has real feelings, in a conversation that matters.
| Approach | What you get | What's missing |
|---|---|---|
| Leadership workshop | A framework and a group exercise | Practice on your conversation; a standard you're held to |
| E-learning module | A completion tick | Any evidence you can actually do it |
| Asking ChatGPT or Copilot | A plan or a script | Practice; a counterpart who pushes back; a clear bar |
| AI roleplay scored on general traits | Feedback on tone, pace, filler words | Whether this conversation met this standard |
| Rehearse to a standard | Prepare, roleplay, get scored on the behaviours that matter for this conversation, retry | — |
A plan is not practice. And practice without a standard is still hope.
How to practise a feedback conversation before it happens
Prepare with a framework, say it out loud to a counterpart who resists, get scored on the behaviours that matter for this conversation, and retry until you're at the line.
This is what we built Evro to do for people leaders. Using the 2pm conversation above, it works like this:
- Choose the conversation. The manager picks Specific Performance Feedback, the conversation they actually have this week, not a generic "difficult conversations" module.
- Prepare for this talk. Evro helps them build a short plan using SBI and Radical Candor: what to say, what to avoid and how to open. It's a plan they can use in the next twenty minutes, not an essay.
- Roleplay it. They run the conversation with an AI employee who hedges, deflects or pushes back the way real people do. If the counterpart just agreed, it wouldn't be practice.
- Get scored against a standard. The conversation is scored against a weighted rubric for performance feedback. That doesn't mean filler words or pacing. It means the things that make this conversation work.
- Retry. They see what fell below the line and go again, watching the score move.
| Behaviour | What good looks like |
|---|---|
| Specificity | Names an observable behaviour, not a trait |
| Impact | Makes the effect on work, team or customer clear |
| Care and directness | Clear about the issue and respectful of the person |
| Their view | Invites and listens to the employee's account |
| Next step | Ends with an agreed action and a date |
| No sandwiching | Doesn't bury the message in praise |
Practice isn't an HR file. Evro doesn't send session content or transcripts to HR. Managers need a private place to get it wrong before they get it right. The organisation sees that critical conversations are being practised to a standard, not what anyone said.
See the performance feedback scenario
Prep, roleplay, score and retry — before the real conversation.
Book a demoFeedback isn't only for problems
The same skills apply to coaching high performers, and treating feedback as only corrective trains people to dread it.
If the only time a manager asks for a meeting is when something's wrong, every meeting request becomes a threat. Specific positive feedback, using the same SBI structure, tells people exactly what to keep doing. Coaching a high performer, helping someone who is already good get better, is its own conversation and deserves the same preparation.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best way to give performance feedback to an employee?
Address one specific behaviour, close to when it happened. Describe the situation, the behaviour and its impact (the SBI model), say it plainly in the first minute, ask for the employee's view, and agree a next step with a date. Prepare and rehearse it before the meeting rather than improvising.
What is the SBI feedback model?
SBI stands for Situation, Behaviour, Impact. You name when and where something happened, describe the observable behaviour without labelling the person, and explain its effect on the work or the team. SBI-I adds Intent: asking what the person was trying to do.
Does the feedback sandwich work?
Usually not. Wrapping criticism in praise tends to bury the message, so the employee leaves remembering the compliments, and over time they learn to distrust your praise. Give positive and corrective feedback separately, each specific and sincere.
How do I give feedback to an employee who gets defensive?
Stay on observable behaviour, not character. Acknowledge their reaction without retreating from the point, ask for their account, and come back to the impact. Defensiveness is common and often signals the feedback matters to them. Rehearsing against a counterpart who pushes back helps you hold the line calmly.
How can managers practise difficult feedback conversations?
Prepare a short plan using a framework like SBI, then say it out loud to a realistic counterpart who doesn't simply agree. Get scored against a clear standard for that conversation, see what fell short, and retry until you're at the line, before the real employee is in the room.
Can AI roleplay help managers give better feedback?
It can, if the practice is held to a standard for that specific conversation. Scoring general traits like tone, pace or filler words is not the same as checking whether the feedback was specific, named its impact, invited the employee's view and ended with a dated next step.
What is Evro?
Evro is an AI platform for people leaders in Australian organisations. Managers prepare for a real conversation, such as performance feedback, rehearse it with an AI counterpart, are scored against a weighted rubric for that conversation and retry until they reach the standard. Practice sessions are not an HR file.
Does HR see what I say in an Evro practice session?
No. Evro doesn't send session content or transcripts to HR. Practice is a private space to get the conversation wrong before you get it right. The organisation sees that critical conversations are being practised to a standard, not what an individual said.
A last thought
Most of the managers I've worked with don't lack care. They lack a safe first attempt. When the conversation finally happens, they're managing their own nerves as much as the other person's reaction, and the message gets lost somewhere in between.
Give people a place to say it badly first, and they might say it well when it counts.
About Evro. Evro helps people leaders in Australian organisations rehearse the conversations that matter (performance feedback, coaching high performers, pay and promotion conversations, team conflict) and practise them to a standard before they happen. Managers prepare, roleplay with an AI counterpart, are scored against a rubric for that conversation and retry until they're ready. Practice sessions are not an HR file.